Another Unequally Rational and Emotional Christmas
by OverMaster
Summary: What do you get when a precocious prodigy teacher, a suicidal older teacher, a magus' adopted son, two hapless college aged mechanics, some high school boy, a whole lot of junior high female students, an immortal vampire, an alien princess and a Heroic Spirit come together to celebrate Christmas in June?


Akamatsu Ken and Kodansha created and own _Mahou Sensei Negima!_

Kumeta Koji and Kodansha created and own _Sayonara, Zetsubou Sensei_.

Fujishima Kosuke and Kodansha (again?!) created and own _Aa! Megamisama!_

Yabuki Kentaro, Saki Hasemi and Kod- I mean, Shueisha, created and own _To Love Ru_.

Nasu Kinoko and Type-Moon created and own _Fate/stay night_.

I make no money from writing this. Please don't sue.

* * *

 **Another Unequally Rational and Emotional Christmas**.

* * *

"Christmas decorations?" Evangeline growled. "Why the hell are you hanging Christmas decorations all over **my** home?"

Sakurako blinked at her from the top of the ladder, still holding the mistletoe in her left hand and the hammer in the right one, her short skirt flashing her panties to all those standing below. Rito, Negi, Itoshiki and Shirou chivalrously averted their gazes while Keiichi tried bravely but would occasionally falter and give quick, blissful looks thankfully unnoticed by Hakase.

"Um, well," Shiina explained, "hadn't they told you? Chisame-san was making calculations on how long we've been spending here in your resort compared to the outside world, and she said we have pretty much reached the equivalent of late December. That's why we've decided celebrating Christmas!"

Evangeline blinked. "That... That's gotta be the most stupid and illogical thing I've ever heard! Hasegawa!"

"Imouto-chan isn't really in the best of conditions to answer right now, Mc Dowell-sama..." Sora meekly said, pointing towards her sister, who was huddled at a corner of woe darkly muttering to herself and shivering.

"At this... at this rate... I'll be an old lady soon... throwing my life away at the Magical Boot Camp from Hell! An old lady-virtual idol... that can't be..."

Yuuna smiled dreamily, pressing her arms under her breasts to push them up. "Right now, I don't care, nya-ha ha! These babies are the envy of the whole basketball team now! They couldn't understand how they grew so fast, the poor fools!"

Evangeline sighed. "Fine. Whatever. What do I care? If you want to pursuit this stupid train of thought, I don't give a crap as long as you do it out of training hours."

"Wow, that's weirdly generous from you, Eva-chan," Haruna observed. "I was expecting for a 'Bag, humbug! I don't want Christmas in my resort!' from you."

"Don't call me 'Eva-chan'!" Eva sneered. "But, well, it's just a day, right? As long as I can avoid you long enough, it'll be over soon. And I know you dimwits, if I start forbiding you from celebrating the date, you'll simply start pestering me the morning after."

She assumed a petulant, exaggeratedly coquettish pose and began speaking in a mocking afectation of Misa's voice. "Like, were you visited by the three ghosts last night, Eva-san? Have you seen the error of your ways yet, Eva-san, oh-ho-ho, tee-hee?"

"I don't talk like that, like at all!" Misa protested.

"Well, the speech's a bit off, but the tone delivery was pitch perfect..." Madoka disagreed.

"Are, are there ghosts in this resort?!" Sayo's possessed doll gasped.

"Nobody ever told us that!" Oshizu panicked in her own doll.

Evangeline scoffed, placing a hand on her hip and giving Negi a side glance. "What about you, Boya? Last time I heard, you weren't fond of Christmas nonsense either. Wanna go for some extra training while these idiots waste their time?"

"Ah!" Haruna said. "How romantic! Eva-chan has just asked Negi-kun out on a Christmas date!"

"I've told you not to call me that, and its not even July yet! Stop calling this a Christmas out of the context of your crazy delusions!"

Negi hummed. "Well, I'm flattered by the invitation, and the interest on my development it shows, Master. I certainly have no problems with it, although, since we're not really in Christmas yet, then I have no problems with the date itself either, but..."

Evangeline quickly grabbed him by an arm and began pulling him away with herself, sticking her tongue out at the other girls. "Nyeh! So there, losers! He'd prefer spending valuable non-Christmas time with a sensible, logical person than with a bunch of absent minded cloudcuckoolanders looking for an excuse to celebrate Christmas in June!"

"... huh," Sakurako blinked, looking at how Eva dragged Negi out the main hall's room and towards the arena. "Well, she at least has the 'the most important part is spending time with your loved ones' bit pat down..." Then she sighed and patiently pulled the hanging Itoshiki down. "Sensei, please, we have gone through this before, you're no Christmas ornament..."

"I was just hoping even a false Christmas could bring me a real Christmas miracle!" the teacher wailed melodramatically. "The depression I'm going through right now feels as real as December's!"

* * *

"So, how'd they celebrate Christmastime during your time period, Saber-san?" Rito asked over the generous Christmas dinner Chachamaru, Konoka and Emiya-sempai had prepared. This was an aspect of the simulated festivities Evangeline didn't seem to mind, as she went through the meals as vigorously as those of the present who actually needed eating. Even Negi was consuming with good appetites, despite the beatings Evangeline had been giving him all afternoon long.

Granted, Konoka had healed him afterwards, but still...

Saber paused, considering how to answer in a way that wouldn't reveal her actual identity. Outright lying was, of course, out of the question.

Evangeline smirked. "Oh, I know! During your lifetime, Christmas hadn't been located towards the end of the year yet, had they?"

"No, no, they had," Saber quickly denied. "The December Christmas feast was established by Aurelian in 274, and I ruled—" There she paused, seeing through Eva's attempt to get her to date herself, and scowled at the grinning vampire. "— a few centuries after the fact," she non-commitally finished the sentence. "By that time, we all had accepted December as the month of Our Savior's birth, even if the Church itself knew the truth—"

 _A tiny inset of a chibi Saint Martha wagging her finger at the readers briefly appeared at the lower right corner of the screen. "Our Lord was actually born in October, remember that! You'd better scorn those shallow festivities orchestrated by merchants on the designs of sun-worshipping pagans! Or I'll kick your butt!"_

"Our festivities would last fifteen days until the arrival of the new year," Saber reminisced fondly. Drooling slightly out a corner of her mouth while her memories drifted to a huge round table filled with all sorts of appetizers and delicatessen, she began chanting grandly, _"Dayntés driven þerwyth of ful dere metes, foysoun of þe fresche, and on so fele disches! Þat pine to fynde þe place þe peple biforne! For to sette þe sylueren þat sere sewes halden, on clothe! Ay two had disches twelue, good ber and bryt wyn boþe!"_

"Um... what?" Makie squeaked, as tiny eyed now as most of those sharing the table.

Skuld sighed and translated in a bored tone. "With that there came in rare dishes of the richest foods, fresh meat in plenty, and on so many plates, that it was difficult to find room before the diners to set upon the cloth the silverware which held the various stews! Each couple had twelve dishes, good beer and bright wine as well!"

"Oh!" Asuna said. And then asked Saber, "And you drank from all that liquor? Weren't you underage?"

"I'm old enough as to have had a fully grown son!" Saber protested.

"That counting all the centuries spent between then and now?" Yuuna asked.

"Akashi-san!" Ayaka chided. "It's in very bad form to ask the age of a lady, historical figure, or long dead person!"

"Thank you, Class Representative," Saber soberly nodded before continuing her story. "My Queen would sit by my side, blessing our table with her radiant presence, which would—"

"Wait, wait, wait," Setsuna gasped. "Did you have a _Queen_ , Saber-san?!"

Saber paused, stared directly at the bewildered Setsuna, then at the smiling girl sitting by Setsuna's side, and finally asked, "Are you of all people asking me that with disbelief in your voice?"

"Wow," Asuna said quietly. "The ancient people were more liberated than I thought."

Makie nodded. "This is why history books are a waste of time, they get everything wrong anyway..."

"HEEEEY!" Haruna and Konoka instantly protested.

Lala sighed happily. "That sounds so much like the festivities of our Lord's birth in my planet, Saber! We'd also spend fifteen rotation cycles in planet wide obligatory celebrations praising his glory and deeds, and thanking him for our continued existences..."

"Wow, Lala," Rito said, "you never mentioned you had a Jesus equivalent in your planet!"

"Which Jesus? I'm talking about Dad's birthday!"

"... alright, never mind then," he muttered, closing his eyes.

"Aren't we missing the most obvious person to ask on the nature of Christmas?" Keiichi asked then. "Skuld-chan's a goddess who has been in contact with every pantheon, surely she's been introduced to the Judeochristian cosmology as well?"

Misora and Satomi quickly turned dismissive, contemptful glances at Skuld, who bristled at them, then at Keiichi. "Don't talk about it like that!" she chided him. "You're treating it as something to trade light anecdotes about, but you're asking me to unveil secrets man isn't supposed to know! Mankind is to learn of the secrets of the universe and the gods, and not even all of them, on its own terms, earning the knowledge through—"

"You've met Jesus, yes or not?" Yuuna scoffed at her. "Does he even exist? Were you around by the time he was born? Does that mean we're studying and having dinner with someone older than Jesus? Are the implications of all of that something that should crush us, or what?"

"I'm not sure I like this conversation in the slightest," a troubled Itoshiki shared, looking into his drink.

Skuld ran a hand down her face. "I can't confirm or deny any of that, but I can tell you, if Cousin Jay were real, He'd be contented as long as you did unto others what you'd like others to do unto you. Happy now?"

"I've tried, but everyone keeps calling me a pervert!" Haruna protested. "So how does that even work, then?!"

Saber smiled. "You know, I am glad now. It has been too long since I have shared a table with such a collection of—"

"Weirdos?" Evangeline asked.

"Hopeless mental cases?" Chisame offered. "

Really scary nutcases?" Madoka sighed.

"—- colorful and entertaining personalities," Saber completed. She raised her goblet then. "A Christmas toast, then! In the name of my friends of Ala Alba! Even if I happen to depart soon, I shall carry you in my heart forever!"

"There you go, with that pessimism again, really..." Shirou shook his head.

"Wait a minute," Asuna squinted at Saber's drink, "is that _liquor_ you're taking?!"

"I gave it to her," Eva said, sipping from the same drink. "Why? You got any problem with that?"

"Even if your ages are like really really old, your bodies are still of very young people, that crap's still going to mess you up somewhat fierce!" Asuna warned. "I saw that in a TV show!"

"Idiot, I'm a vampire and she's a revived spirit, how's that going to kill us again?!" Evangeline pointed out.

"Oh, so can we drink it as well?" Oshizu hopefully asked, lifting her own tiny empty glass while Sayo looked far more dubious about the whole thing.

"NO!" Eva denied her. "Because, ghost or not, you have the type of a whiner, sobbing drunk, and those are a bore to have around!"

"Waaa! Evangeline-sama, you're mean!"

"See?! You already started, and you haven't had the first drop yet!"

And so the evening went, just as wild and jovial for the rest of it, but we retreat now, with the hopes for a real Christmas meeting between our cast and us next year! In the meanwhile, have a Merry 2016 Christmas and Happy Year 2017, everyone out there!


End file.
